3 Simple Ways to Set Boundaries

If boundaries were so easy we would set the limit and be done, right?

Well, it isn’t always easy to set boundaries because there is an element of discomfort that exist that isn't willfully discussed. 

Setting boundaries become easier when you have a few tools to help you through the process. 

Truth be told, many people question their decisions before or after setting the boundary which makes them ambivalent about their decision.

You know how it goes.

You have a situation or engaged with a person that is sucking your energy and getting on your nerves and yet, setting firm boundaries is difficult. 

Well, to shed some light on this, it's human nature to be ambivalent and to even grieve situations before we let go.

So, to prevent this, here are a few questions to ask yourself to get your mind right.

Question 1: “How is my continued helping in the way of me accomplishing important personal or family goals?”

Question 2: “How is my helping or giving unhealthy? How does it interfere with other people’s long-term health, well-being, competency, or autonomy? How does it harm relationships?”

Question 3: “Why do I feel the need to set these boundaries?”

When you feel distressed after setting a boundary, remember that what you are feeling is normal and it will pass. Sometimes you will feel sad and sometimes you will grieve. Just remember loss will ease with time.

Never forget to tell yourself the truth.

When you think about how people are treating you, what you are giving to them (time, energy and resources), and how you are feeling as the result of your relationship, don't be afraid to call a spade a spade and name the discomfort for what it is. 

Your ability to be honest about your experience will help you set boundaries easier. 

You have to trust yourself and here are a few lines to help you affirm your commitment to your boundaries.

1. “It’s my right to set limits around what I will and won’t do. It’s their right to be displeased with my boundary.”
   
   
2. “Being a good, helpful person sometimes means setting boundaries.”
   
   
3. “I hope they’ll manage without my help but if they don’t, it’s their choice, not my fault.’
   
   
4. Their anger or displeasure is unfortunate and I wish it weren’t so, but I can handle it, and they’ll probably get over it.”

Setting boundaries can be distressful, however, not impossible. Just remember to remind yourself WHY you need to set the boundary and know that you are not a bad person for wanting to take care of yourself.

Be Fearless and Remember Self Care is Actionable, 

Desi Wenzel

About the Author:

Desi Wenzel is a Self Care Consultant and Coach. Simply, helping people grow. 

Learn more at www.desiwenzel.com